holy crap!

I forgot this blog existed. Or my old blog that's not actually attached to this one. I went through and read some, and noticed two things. First of all, I'm a witty guy! Or was. Second, extreme stark opposite attitude on life. In 2006 I was really alive. I was all about life. I was in college, had a good job, losing weight, hanging out with friends, involved in stuff. I was optimistic. World, here I come! .. except I didn't. Not yet. It's now the second half of 2010. If anything has changed, it's been downgrades. Was jobless in AZ, moved back to SD, had a job, now I don't again. Only real difference is this current jobless stint is due to being fired. I haven't made any progress mentally/physically/socially/spiritually in a long time.

The only good news is that at this exact second I feel more optimistic than I have in a long time. I just had a vision of the "good ol' days." I lived my daily life a lot different, and it was better. I need to work toward that again. I'm 26 years old, which feels old to me, but realistically I have plenty of time to make something of my life. One positive step is blogging itself. It really helps me keep track of whats going on in my head. I'm going to try using this thing again. Maybe it'll be a step in the right direction. My life is nowhere near what I want it to be, but a lot of the things I hate are easy to fix. Let's see what happens.

Now

I feel like I should care, but I can't. I don't know what I want. What is left to lose or gain? What is the end? Does it even matter? Maybe the worst route is the best way. Maybe I can't be happy. If there is a purpose, a reason, it's running late. I no longer pretend to control my life, nor do I pretend to want to. Just happen. Whatever it is, just happen. Please let something change. I can't wait any longer.

Indestructible.

So, apparently, when I said "I'm going to blog more often," I forgot to include "however I'm using 'often' compared to 'how long the universe has been in existence' so I can justify saying 'often' to mean 'two months.'"

What?

Anyway, my last post was the day I lost my dignity I mean pride I mean will to survive I mean car. How have things changed? More at 11:00...

(it's 11:00) I... still owe more money than I thought possible... on the bright side I am still making money, and, without having to pay (car payment + insurance + gas) I'm actually making money I can put toward paying stuff off. At this point, it appears, that I will NOT get my head above water by January (when I have to find a new place to live), but, we'll see.

I hadn't really thought about it until a couple days ago, nor realized I should think about it, um... what exactly AM I gonna do in January? None of my roommates are planning on staying in this house another year. If I don't have a car by the end of December I'm in trouble. Bill has been giving me rides to work, and I don't foresee him wanting to drive from his new apartment to wherever I happen to live just to take me to work. If.. IF... I can manage to get a car, get my checking account back, and phone back by January, and have a chunk of change on the side, I have options. I could get my own apartment here, I could move back to South Dakota, or I could move somewhere completely new and devoid of people that I know. The last option sounds intriguing. How cool would that be? Move to a new place, probably live in a hotel until I found a job/apartment, then go out and meet people and get involved in stuff... new church, etc. The obvious danger here of course, knowing me, would be the temptation to never leave my house except to go to work and play video games 24/7. If I did that, nothing would change... at least not for the better. If I did manage to... DO something... it would be awesome. I would get to, and have to, establish right from the get-go what I want my life to be like there. I guess I just like the idea of meeting new people and seeing a new area. Travel is fun. I don't want to live in the same town my whole life. I don't think I'd be terribly unhappy if I did, but I'd rather move around.

So, whilst knowing my plans could easily change in six months, I'm going to plan assuming that I'm going to move somewhere brand new. I need my money situation at least partially fixed, I need to get back into good habits (exercise, church, going out with friends and being social), and of course I need to figure out WHERE I want to live. Somewhere... somewhere not so hot. Phoenix is way too hot. I'm sick of getting blisters on my feet from the concrete at like 7:00am. It gets all the way down to about ninety degrees right before the sun comes up, and then goes back up to (infinity symbol) degrees.

Other than all that... not much else new here. Guess I'm pretty boring lately.

Ouch.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS VERY DEPRESSING, IT IS NOTHING BUT ME COMPLAINING AND TALKING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY UPSET AND/OR IN A SITUATION WHERE HEARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS WILL DEPRESS YOU OR MAKE THINGS WORSE DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU ARE A HAPPY PANDA AGAIN.

Ok so, things took a turn for the worse.

I thought that I was current or close to current on my car payments, apparently I was not. I forgot I had skipped a few payments, so all together I was like five months behind. Because of that, I had my car repossessed on Thursday.

Lovely. Just what I needed. Not only am I having extreme money problems, but now I can't get to work! At least they waited until after I lost car insurance and my checking account. That was thoughtful of them. I'd send them a home-made thank you card if I had money for a stamp.

So, been doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I have eight options:

1) Pull $800 and/or a car out of my rectum because I'm magic

2) Promise my roommates I'll spend half my money on beer for them if they quit school and/or their social lives to give me rides

3) Spend an entire day walking to the dozen businesses within a couple miles of my house and hope I get a job in like two days that is within walking distance

4) Move back in with my parents which wouldn't change the situation much, I'd still need a vehicle and a job I can get to, and I'm still responsible for my share of the rent at this house until if/when they replace me

5) Do something horribly illegal so I can live in jail

6) Win the lottery

7) Marry a terminally old billionaire

8) Hitchhike to mountains somewhere and live off the land and forget about humanity

So what you think I should do?

24.

Episode 24.

So uh... I decided I'm going to start blogging more often. It's therapeutic... aromatic... and people seem bummed when I don't.

Before I forgot, one of the funniest things ever: Christopher Walken on "Prankster's" SNL skit. (The first part is lame, but there's a reason it's lame... watch the whole thing.)

So, what do you want first, the good news or the bad news? Wait... I can't hear you. Fine. I'll decide. Let's do the bad news first so I can end on a positive note.

SOooOOo.. since my last post, uh... money troubles. Left one job because I thought I had a new one that wasn't thirty miles away, that didn't work out, took me a while to find a job, have one now, been working at a gas station for like two months. Yesterday I started what as going to be my second full-time job... but I didn't go today. Just... had a terrible feeling about the entire thing. Without realizing it I was hired through a temp agency who gave me practically no information. Found out after I started that the job as of right now it is considered temporary. They are hiring like 20 people because they *might* be extending their hours, and depending on the new call volume, *might* need more people. So regardless of how well I do there is absolutely no guarantee I won't be laid off. They also absolutely refuse to not only not let me have any control over what my schedule will be, they won't even tell me what my schedule will be until the last day of training, which will completely screw up with trying to do both my jobs at once. There were other concerns too. Just felt wrong about the whole thing. So, back to square one, have a low-paying job and need a second one. My finances are more horrid than I ever imagined they would be. Currently I am not making enough money to pay my bills, and once I AM making enough, I also need to make MORE than that because when you add up my late bills, checking account, and credit cards.. I need about four thousand dollars to get back to EVEN. And that number will continue to rise until I am making more than what I need for bills. Terrible financial situation. I'm not, EXTREMELY stressed about it because I think it will just be a matter of time until I get everything under control again, but it's going to take a long time of being broke, so I am pretty mad at myself for getting into this situation in the first place. Last year I made about $30,000 and have nothing to show for it. I didn't even pay off my car. That's the bad news.

The good news is, despite how the year is starting out, it's going to end good. Why? The best year of my life was when I was twelve years old. Twelve always seems to be my lucky number. Saturday was my 24th birthday... 12x2. Every multiple of twelve will be a good year. I may be crazy yes thank you for pointing that out. My absolute biggest goal this year is to end the year with my credit cards and car paid off completely. It's a doable goal. The grand total for that is roughly $6,500. That's not that much money over the course of a year. If I can make $812 a month more than I spend (or spend less than I make) starting right now I'll accomplish this goal. I will have to work two jobs or find a really really good job. But it's doable. Bottom line, I think since I've DECIDED this will be a good year, it will be... it's really all in your head. Comes down to effort and focusing on the good.

So I'm sorry to the few people that love reading my blog for not posting for like two months. I promise to start doing it again and return to using extreme amounts of witty humor.

The Great White Ninja

Alright so I finally got some information I needed to get for a long time. Jake and I have kinda made friends with a guy that works at Gold's Gym who is there almost every time we go, and as we were chatting it came up that Jake and I are focusing mostly on cardio now after having been doing weight lifting for like three months (which has gotten my bench up to 215 so far) (Had dipped back down to like 185 from not doing it forever) (I'm aware you could care less). So he had a great idea and went and got one of those fancy schmancy things you hold onto while it sends an electrical pulse through your body and tells you what your body composition is, mainly fat versus not fat. I am currently 269lbs with a body fat percentage of 32.6%. This means that my weight without any fat would be 181lbs and at a healthy body fat of 10-15% I should weigh 200-210lbs. It sucks proving you need to lose 70lbs but at least I shouldn't weigh 180 like I originally thought (which would mean losing 90lbs). So that's pretty cool.

Is Christmas a Holiday? Really? Like Really Really?

So, it's Christmas. Again. And, I'm doing the exact same thing I did last Christmas. I'm at work, taking phone calls from grumpy people who apparently didn't have to work today and apparantly have no family. (Was that mean of me to say?)

Well I'll write more later. Maybe. If you're lucky.