The few friends I have that actually read my old blog will notice that this is new. The last few days have been very interesting. To sum up what it's taken me nine months to figure out, my first semester of college I found out who I was, and since I've moved to Arizona I've stopped being who I am, that being replaced with very bad things. It would not take one more than a minute reading my old blog to get the main plotline to my last hundred posts: I'm constantly depressed and constantly talking about how I want to change.
Well... I did.
Me turning depressed happened so slowly I really didn't realize what was happening. The other day it actually dawned on me that I am miserable beyond all reason, to the point that I was wondering why God would let me end up like this. I ended up living the same life I lived in high school. No friends, no relationships, feeling like crap spiritually and physically all the time, doing nothing but working sleeping and playing videogames. So I sat there, awed by my slowness of the catching on, and decided to think back to what my life was like when I was actually happy. It took me three seconds. I was going to church, I was being social, I was going to the gym, and I was going to school. I felt like every day I was growing or achieving something, and that I wasn't wasting time, watching my life pass by not being the way I wanted it. I wasn't skinny, and I still didn't have a girlfriend. But I did have God, and I was finding and becoming who I really was.
Then I realized it would take me one week to be there again.
The last few days, I have spent time being social with NEW friends (one of which is a very fascinating female whom I may describe more later), spending time with God, eating healthy, and changing my attitude about my job. I already feel amazing. I DO have a reason to grow because I DO have a purpose. The first part of which is so important I can't describe is getting myself back to where I need God again! I have to fall back in love with God! This is my purpose. This is why I am alive. This is what I am in Arizona to do. Nobody down here even knows me. They see a CHILD who never stops complaining, who never shuts up about big plans and big dreams but never DOES anything.
That is what this blog will be for. This blog will not be about plans, or complaining, or dreaming. This blog will not rant on about my job or my video games or whatever. This will be about action and growth and love and everything that represents who I truly am. I am a knight, a son of a great God whose kingdom is at war, and I have a freaking job to do.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's way past my bedtime because I actually went to church. Goodnight.
