Indecisiveness is the name of the vice which is getting acquainted with my temples currently. Random sentence structures are cool. Anyway, I figured I should blog about this because it seems that writing helps me decide stuff. Sometimes. Maybe. It either does or does not help. One of the two. I can't decide.
Even though I officially announced I am moving back to South Dakota on Friday... now all of a sudden I am seriously debating changing my mind. I rotate on a daily basis between feeling I am making a good decision and wondering why the heck I'm even considering it. Problem is, I'm supposed to move in two days. I would uh, prefer, to uh, feel confident in my decision before I do one or the other.
I also don't feel I've been given a clear answer from God on this. Why? Probably because it doesn't matter. Whatever I'm supposed to accomplish over the next year may have nothing to do with where I am. I know over the last year God has been working on my character. Learning lessons sucks. (randomize common phrase) Bright the side on (/randomize), I have a slightly less hazed view of what I need to do. It's a start. That's a good thing right?
What I need to do: Make God the center of my life... again
How do I do this: Go to church. Read the Word. Pray. Get involved with a community of Christian friends
Where can I do this: Anywhere
How does this help me decide: It doesn't
Another set of logical thoughts that contradict each other. Let me show you them. (Both are partially my thoughts and partially things people have said.)
Q: So I've been in Arizona a year and haven't gotten my life on track with God. What should I do / what does that mean?
Logical Answer #1: Well obviously you're at the point where you are showing enough maturity to show a little humility. If you fail at something by yourself it is wise to seek help. If your family would help you, that is a good thing. Your relationship with God is more important than anything else, so do whatever it takes to grow. Move back to South Dakota. If God does NOT want you to move back, then it won't work out. God is always watching your back. Besides, friends are temporary and family is forever. You shouldn't make life decisions based on where a few of your friends are.
-VS-
Logical Answer #2: Well obviously this is why God told you to move to Arizona in the first place. God has to break your old character to shape you into the character of Christ, and this is never an easy thing. You are learning that you can not count on the world to keep you focused on God. It never will. Wherever God sends you, you will
have to make that effort yourself. Moving at this point would defeat the purpose of you coming down here. Ever since you decided you were moving back to South Dakota you have felt uneasy about it. You have had to convince yourself every day over and over that it's what you should do. You are not at peace with that decision. The issue is not that you have failed down here, it's that you have not tried. Start going to Church here. Start spending time with God here. God told you to move here, and he will tell you when it's time to move on.
Sigh.
I should stay here. At least for now. Let's make it so that when I do go back to South Dakota it will be triumphant instead of with my tail between my legs.
